Wednesday, March 18, 2009


-disclaimer- this is a boring no pictures, no fun information or insight post.

Lately I've been feeling really disconnected. It feels that people aren't understanding me and I'm not understanding them, almost as though I was just picked up and place in the middle of a foreign country and no one speaks English or cares to help me find a way out. I'm just lost in a fog of confusion and disappointment.

I don't feel that it's anyone's fault other than my own, but I find myself making promises and then backing out, feeling like I just can't leave the house or get motivated to participate in something. I feel overwhelmed by the things I desire and see no light at the end of the tunnel to work toward. I need to go through a mountain of paperwork to file for reimbursement for my flex spending account, which one would think I could done in the hours after work before going to bed at 10pm - but, no, I end up sitting there stressed by the fact that there is so much to go through and no where to start. The logical part of my brain knows to just start somewhere and it'll get done, but the OCD crazy part of my brain wants an "attack plan" before I start.

Rett's scheduled changed that he now gets off at 5:30pm, instead of 7:30pm. I'm hoping that he can help me be more productive, since I was using him as an excuse. (I couldn't do anything before he got home, because I wouldn't be done in time and I couldn't do it after because I would want to spend time with him.) All of my excuses are really pathetic ones. I wish there was just an easy way to say "OK, I'm motivated and ready to work! Here I go, nothing holding me back!" but it just doesn't seem to work like that for me.

Maybe tonight will be better. At least, I can hope that it will be.


  1. I'm sorry Steph...that is a hard place to be in mentally. I can completely understand too. I had times like that before the boys. I'm glad to hear that Rett is getting off work earlier...that should help. Hang in there girl!

  2. I'm sorry girl. I've gone through times like that too, so I can kinda relate. Hopefully the nicer weather and Rett being home earlier can help. When I get like this, I've found that I just need to accomplish one little task and be successful at that to be able to tackle the bigger ones. So find something that you can accomplish relatively quickly and it will give you the confidence that you need to keep going.



  3. hug to you; I know how that feels sometimes; get in a funk and don't know how to get out... hope things can swing around and make you :) again soon!

  4. Hugs. I hope things are better. I'm a little behind on my blogs.